words of wisdom, Clyde
posted yesterday on Craigslist
Messenger / Courier / Delivery Driver
This is probably the most comprehensive ad ever listed. Do not email me with questions until after you have read the whole thing.
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Deliver packages using your own Truck, Van, Motorcycle, Scooter, Moped, or Bicycle.
****WE ARE ESPECIALLY INTERESTED IN MOTORCYCLES, SCOOTERS, AND MOPEDS IN SF****
You must:
Own a reliably functioning vehicle.
Not be an asshole.
Have current registration and insurance for that vehicle, as required.
Understand, read, and write English.
Not freak out driving in rush hour traffic. Road raging jerks need not apply!
Be able to listen to and follow instructions.
Be able to lift 30-40 lbs. daily, and 50-70 lbs. occasionally.
We have jobs in two locations:
681 Harrison St., San Francisco
AND
1117 Independence Ave., Mountain View
You can apply in person at either location. You can even apply at one location to work in the other!
Bicycle, scooter, and moped positions are in SF only.
COMPENSATION:
Minimum wage $9.36 in SF or $8.00 in Mountain View, per hour) PLUS Expense reimbursement for the use of your vehicle, which varies depending on type of vehicle PLUS a bonus for efficiency.
Benefits: You accrue 1 hour of sick time for every 30 worked with a maximum of 72 per year, an $1.17 per hour’s worth of health care as required by the goobers that mis-manage this city.
We have a list (in each of the offices)of the maximum amount we can afford to spend for every delivery. If you are fast, efficient in your routing, don’t make mistakes, and don’t waste time, it costs less to do the job (by going fast, hourly wages are decreased, by routing efficiently reimbursed transportation expenses are reduced), and the customer gets better service. If you cost less than we budgeted for, we pass that amount back to you in the form of a bonus. So the better you are the more you get paid.
Question: Why don’t you just pay a percentage of the delivery cost like everyone else?
Answer: There are a few reasons,
1. It is nearly impossible to calculate overtime correctly when paying commission.
2. If the company gives a discount to a good customer the courier then receives discounted pay. This causes the courier to hate the customers that the company values the most. Not to mention that it is sort of unfair.
3. Because it is impossible to directly supervise couriers, the pay structure has to be performance driven or the customers will not get good service. Our method of compensation addresses all of these issues
Your bonus is calculated per pay period, so if you are efficient you earn more. Rushing around does not work as well as paying attention and being smart. You make up more time being quick getting in and out of buildings than you do by being fast on the road. Driving smart is faster than driving fast. If you look at a map before you start driving, not wait until you are lost, you will get there faster. Your ability determines your total compensation, but you are guaranteed to make minimum wage plus your expenses.
This is not a resume type of job. I don’t care what you have done, as long as it doesn’t include DUI’s or running people over. If you email me your resume I will delete it without looking at it.
The most important skills you will need for this job are:
The ability to listen well and follow instructions.
The ability to ask for assistance if you need it.
The ability to keep your cool when dealing with stressed out people.
A cheerful and friendly demeanor goes a long way in this business, and will surely put more money in your pocket.
If people often refer to you as; stressed out, uptight, angry, bitter, rude, inflexible, a dickhead, or having a chip on your shoulder, then this job is probably not for you.
If you:
flip people off when you drive
like to “tag”
carry on converstaions with that little voice in your head
have a problem with authority figures
can’t write legibly
absolutely must look like a freak to express your individuality
Then you will definitely have a problem doing this. It will not work out, so don’t bother. Trust me, I have over 25 years experience in this business, I know what doesn’t work.
All the supervisors, managers, and owners, all started out as messengers. We know what it’s like to be in your position. Which makes for a very reasonable work environment. We understand what it is like for you, because we did it ourselves.
You get paid every 2 weeks.
It’s a 40 hour, weekday schedule, between 8am-7pm, full time, with A 30 minute lunch break.
CLARIFICATION: I get endless comments from lamebrain fucktards about how it is impossible to work 40 hours from 8am to 7pm. Please note that it says BETWEEN 8am-7pm not FROM 8am TO 7pm. This means there are 6 possible 8 hour shifts available starting from as early as 8am to running as late as 7pm but they are all 8 hours. Each shift is 8 ½ hours long to allow for a 30 minute lunch break. Here are all the possible shifts: 8-4:30, 8:30-5, 9-5:30, 9:30-6, 10-6:30, 10:30-7. These are all the possible shifts available between 8am and 7pm, you will be assigned one of them, I don’t know which one.
One of the odd things about being a messenger is that the longer your shift, the more you can make per hour worked. For this reason part-time positions, as in less than 8 hours a day, do not work. You will not make minimum wage. If you want to work part time the only way to do it is to work only on Monday and Friday, our two busiest days of the week.
That should answer every question you have. If you have more, go ahead and email me. Otherwise apply in person at one of the addresses above.